It’s funny, really, how so often others think so much more highly of us than we could ever imagine thinking of ourselves.
In the past week I have had two people, on two separate occasions, come up to me to discuss faith. Both said that they look up to me highly as a spiritual leader. I am not saying this to gloat about myself. To be completely honest I do not read my bible every day and I struggle daily with questioning my faith.
How does this work?
If God is real why would He let this happen?
How do I know heaven is even for real?
Given I have been reassured multiple times that these are all normal things to question as a teenager growing up in a christian environment I still don’t think that these are questions I should be wrestling with if I am someones spiritual leader.
And if I am battling this then I mustn’t be a very good leader.
The two people that I had these conversations with where both peers. I think they could tell my shock when the spoke so highly of how they look up to me.
My first thoughts where if only they knew half the things I am battling.
If only they knew half of the sins I commit on a daily basis.
If only they knew…
Then I realized, thats the thing, they do know. They where both peers that I am relatively close with. Both know some of my poorer choices I have made and the words that come out of my mouth, and yet they still chose me. Why?
Well I didn’t ask both of them, as one of them is a non-believer that I didn’t want to pester with my own insecurities but the other, well, she is a christian. And so I asked her.
Why? Why me? Of all the amazing young adult Christians you know. Why me?
Her response was simple, and non-hesitant. “Because, In all your battles and trials you always come back to the Lord.”
I said thank you and left good enough alone but I thought about that a lot that night. This peer, whose relationship I value greatly, respects me as a spiritual leader. Knowing all my flaws and mistakes.
It made me think about my own life and my own leaders. While I don’t have a spiritual peer leaders that I have a close relationship with I have a few close adults in my life that I respect greatly. None of them pretend to have it all together, and none of them hide their flaws from me. And I look at them with the upmost respect.
Makes you think.
Maybe the most respectable leaders are the ones that humble themselves. The ones that openly admit to a lack of perfection and still keep fighting. The ones that are nothing in comparison to our Great Lord, but the ones that know where the end goal is.
That is the type of leader I hope to continue to be.
And I wish the same thing for each and every one of you.